Something About Summer

A reflection for parents recovering from intimate partner violence

There is something about the shift from winter to spring that feels deeply personal. The heaviness lifts, slowly at first and then all at once. Somewhere in that thaw, hope quietly finds its way back in.

As a parent of four children, I know what it feels like to look up and realize they’d grown up while I was busy surviving.

I know it didn't happen overnight. But winter has a way of narrowing our vision. When you're living in survival mode, your energy is focused on getting through each day. You're trying to regulate a nervous system that has been shaped by trauma while showing up for the people who need you most.

Then, as the fog begins to lift, you look up and realize the little ones you were holding onto are finding themselves through friendships, growing independence, and a world that is becoming entirely their own.

It is beautiful.

And it is a kind of grief no one prepares you for.

Overcoming Guilt After Intimate Partner Violence

There is a particular ache that can come with healing from intimate partner violence. It is not only the pain of what was done to you. It is the guilt that settles in quietly, the kind that whispers:

You weren't present enough.

You weren't well enough.

You weren't enough.

The truth is, you were doing something extraordinarily hard. You were trying to heal while caring for your children. You were learning to regulate a nervous system that had lived through trauma while continuing to love, protect, and provide for the people who depended on you.

That is not failure.

That is survival.

And yet, here you are.

Still parenting.

Still reaching toward your children exactly where they are.

Still offering emotional presence, attunement, and love that never left, even on the days when you felt you had nothing left to give.

Finding Self-Compassion on Your Trauma Recovery Journey

Spring has a way of reminding us that growth is not always visible while it is happening. Roots grow deep before anything breaks through the surface. Healing often looks the same. The most meaningful changes are happening long before anyone else can see them.

If you are a parent who has been healing while raising children through it, I want you to know something.

You deserve the same gentleness you are trying to give everyone else.

You deserve forgiveness.

You deserve time.

You deserve the permission to heal without judgment.

And perhaps that is what there is to learn from the changing seasons.

Spring reminds us to trust what is happening beneath the surface. But there is something about summer. It is the season when we begin to see what has been growing all along. The moments of connection. The strength that quietly returned. The hope that found its way back.

Your healing does not erase what happened. It creates space for something new to take root and blossom.

I see you.

I am you.

And you are not alone.

Trauma-Informed Psychotherapy in Ontario: You Don't Have to Carry It Alone

Healing from trauma means finding a way to move forward with greater safety, self-understanding, and compassion.

If you are looking for trauma-informed psychotherapy in Ontario, I offer a collaborative, culturally responsive approach that honours your experiences and supports healing at a pace that feels right for you. Virtual therapy is available across Ontario, with in-person Walk-and-Talk sessions in the Durham Region.